"But I just washed the dishes"

I currently reside in Illinois and our state is in “stay-at-home” status during the covid-19 pandemic. In the midst of all of this chaos and our moments of attempting to remain sane, my husband and I are at our wits end. Since we are not essential, we are officially working from home and it has been testing us, to say the least.

Today after he had washed the dishes and cleaned a bit of the kitchen, he told me he was going to watch virtual church. All I said was, “okay just take our baby with you”. He said, “no, I just washed the dishes and cleaned”.


I never knew that cleaning and doing things around the house would exempt you from taking care of your kid. If I knew this, im officialy owed time off.

I know our schedules have been hectic and our whole world has been turned upside down. I once had a 9-5 job and I now work in spurts(sometimes, when im not chasing the baby around). My husband consistently works from 6-3. He has to maintain his regular schedule since his work is timed. As a result, I do as much as I can during the weekday so he could focus, but now my job is at stake.

I cant work. So whenever he takes those long lunch breaks, goes on his phone while eating, watches tv without even considering that our baby is running around or having a guys date night, im over here thinking about when is my time?

I have learned that my time now is being able to just take one flavorful sip of coffee because I rarely get to do that, otherwise im chugging it without even tasting one bit of it.

Its when I run away from my baby to the bathroom, with lights off so he doesn’t see where I go because hearing him scream or cry or say “mami”, just breaks my heart and makes me not take time for myself.

I dont think my husband understands how a mother’s heart is so tethered to every movement your baby makes and to some extent, I feel like my husband subconsciously takes advantage of it because its just easier, but im tired.

How is it possible to feel lonely when I have been around my family now more than when im working from the office? You may think im exaggerating but I think other moms will understand.

So what was my response to my husband when he sharply said no? I said,

“I have watched him all week, I need you to do this”.

And the only response I get is, ” fine, whatever, come here baby, lets go” stomps upstairs and slams the door.

I just wanted peace and I wanted moment to feel like I had life together…..

#newmom #workingfromhome #covid19

Working Pumping mom of Color

Let me tell ya, its rough! Demonization of brown people, exists. Its so hard to find pieces that talk about how white couterparts blame specifically, people of color for their incompetence and lack of success.

Its one thing to have evidence that you have perhaps whispered into a higher ups ear about someone else’s work or that your failure is directly impacted by someone else’s negligence but to make blanket statements of, “I dont like how you manage her (me)” or “how come you have this and I dont?” or “what are you telling our boss?” Its odd.

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Since I have started in the role of International Admissions, I have been thrown under the bus so many times. Its nothing new to me. It started back when I started as a counselor. Let me tell you, its never been a person of color that has ever thrown me under the bus and if they did, their words never came back to me.

My life with the few workers of color at my school has been cordial with a subtle understanding that, this shit is crazy and as people of color, we need to stick together. Their words, not mine. Why is it so much easier for us to get a long with other people of color? I know, because we know that we are outsiders together trying to look in.

I am grateful that my boss is brown and understands where I am coming from., otherwise it would be lonelier. Why is it so easy for peple to pick on those who are succeeding? Why is it so easy to pick on someone of color rather than focusing on their boss and their development.

This is too much. Ya me canse de las chingaderas….of the times I have been reported to my higher ups, not once has it had merit.

Word of advice: always work with integrity and ask, “what is the problem and how can I do better?” That way, it becomes their responsbility and they cant say, you didnt want to improve. FUCK white fragility.

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

Oh yea, to top it off, im also pumping. Im exhausted all the time but at least I know something good comes from that…

PTSD and Postpartum-something

Shit went down.

A couple of months ago my partner and I decided to buy a house, while going through the process of dealing postpartum pain, learning how to take care of a new bundle of joy, new job and still a new marriage. My husband was fortunate enough to have parental leave of up to 4 months, while I had to put my feelings to the side, still be pain from my C-section and go back to work at 8 weeks postpartum.

We were really lucky for that but I somewhat am resentful that I had to go back to work after all that work of being pregnant and going through labor; to end one of the most precious moments you will never get back.

All while this was going on, my husband relapsed from his PTSD and I, had to repress my emotions to take care of him and the baby. I never told him that and it only hit me when his therapist asked how I felt, and all I said was, “pushed to the side”.

For a moment there my husband kept saying that I might have postpartum depression but when you go through so many transitions and get hit with something so traumatic, you get tired. Im not depressed but my anxiety has increased over the past couple of months.

At this point, my workplace is the place I seek peace. Its pretty bizarre that the one place that caused so many problems is now where I turn to, to relax. Im not saying that the issues I had posted about dont matter, they do but I dont have time to deal with that stuff anymore. I just think positively, speak up when I have to and always have data at hand in case I have to prove myself.

Im just tired and I hope this doesnt come back and bite me in the ass for not dealing with my emotions ealier. I wish I could have expressed this to my husband but as we all know, when you have your partner has PTSD, the last thing you want is to cause is more anxiety. I wish I had friends to talk to, that I could depend on.

My husband has a great support system and everyone showed up for him when he was going through his relapse, and all I could feel was pure loneliness. Because the one time I needed him, I couldnt depend on him or lean on him emotionally but thats not his fault. He did his best and he did marvelously.

Those moments for me, were moments of reflection. It had me thinking of what would happen if I went through all that, who would be there? If I died tomorrow, would they even notice? Till this day, I still feel like I have no one, and thats on me. I may need to try harder at being a better friend, sister, aunt, cousin, daughter, wife and mom because right now, I just dont think im cutting it.

My advice: if you ever feel like this, dont stay to yourelf, reach out. Talk to someone about your feelings. This is my outlet, find yours. As always, if you ever need a listening ear, im here.

Landing It

This past week is one that called for deep reflection of the type of mom and professional I would potentially become. I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home on my days before my due date. You have seen me go through many things, ranging from mild depression and angst due to the sudden pregnancy to navigating the field whilst pregnant. So many things have happened in the last couple of months, some would say out of pure luck and others would say due to hardwork.

The last couple of months I have been shadowing our international counselor in order to learn a new skillset of recruiting and assisting students from different regions of the world. It was an attempt to be able to not plateau in my career. I hate being bored and I always need to be challenged. Since then, the international counselor has left the university and I decided to take on some of his duties while also completing my own. After doing it for about three months, I was given the opporutnity to interview for the position. I then became one of two of the finalist for the position.

I got the news two weeks after that the offer was made to the other candidate. I went into the interview knowing that I might not be the best option for the university, however I gave it my all because I had done the work the last couple of months. I went in there knowing my worth and what I was capable doing and sold it. I knew that in the end, the interviewers had the job of determining whether either candidate was compatible for the position. I was okay with rejection.

As a result, the last three weeks I took a step back and reassessed my decision to interview because if the candidate for some reason declined, I would be the runner up. For the last week I have focused on my main job from home. Fast forward to yesterday, I got a call that the candidate declined and I was made an offer. My director then asked, “so are you interested?” and despite me being excited in the inside, I still had to negotiate. You dont always have to show your hand. All I said was, “im 50/50 and it depends on your offer letter. So I will wait”. We left it at that.

Point is: go for something even though you dont meet the entire checklist of preferences or requirements. Take the risk because theres nothing to lose, only the possiblity to gain. I decided to step out of my comfort zone just with the intent of learning something new. I didnt meet the entire checklist, however all I did was prepare! And although I cannot guarantee that you will have the same outcome, I can guarantee that if you do it with the intent of learning something new, you will walk away with a different skillset, and that makes you more marketable.

Now the challenge is the baby and travel but, hubby and I will cross that bridge when it comes. That is a whole other blog entry and I promise ill come back to it.

For now do read Harvard Business Review, Why Women Don’t Apply for Jobs Unless They’re 100% Qualified”

I promise, its a good article. Adelante chingonas, you got this!

#despierta #featured #highereducation #lifestyle #woke #adelante #chingonapower #chingona

woman wearing white t shirt and blue denim bottoms
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Damaged Goods- Baby Brain and Work

“It’s a myth”, that’s what I’ve heard and read in research articles of how mothers’ brains who are expecting are unaltered.

Although I still think that at times I am going crazy and that I am not able to be as productive as I use to be, I do think that your mind is affected by the changes your body goes through. Just alone in month 6, theses are symptoms you will be going through:

  • Those baby flutters or as I like to call them, worm feelings, will start
  • Oh the gas
  • Heartburn
  • Indigestion
  • Backaches
  • Uterus is the size of a basketball
  • Increased vaginal discharge- yea i change underwear at least twice a day
  • Pain and stretching in the underbelly
  • Swelling
  • Most recent, bloody booty-hemorrhoids

Okay, you get the point. Well its no wonder that we can’t focus or multitask as much as we would like to. Something you have to realize is that you actually are multitasking while doing everything else, like work or thinking about what you and your partner have to do before the babe gets here.

Giver yourself a break. I’m trying too. I have become excruciatingly frustrated with myself because I was the type of employee that was able to do it all. Now i’m missing meetings because of appointments, getting undermined by people from other departments and co-workers and my boss are giving me a break with work (I hate it). To top it all off, our VP spoke to my direct supervisor and insinuated that my supervisor should not expect much out of me, as a result my student enrollment goals should be adjusted. Talk about sexism and discrimination. Although I truly am blessed to have coworkers and a boss who is wholeheartedly understanding, it sucks. I want to do it all but I physically, mentally and emotionally can’t. However, there are things that you can do to make it no one else’s business of what you can and cannot do. You also don’t want people’s pity.

  1. Stop talking about baby brain and mommy brain. Even though you are convinced that you are going crazy or feel like you are a bit more clumsy than before, stop mentioning it and stop complaining. I know, you are going through so much but at the same time, you are what you want people to see and if you want them to see you as a person who is tired all the time and needs help doing the work, then who is losing out here? Believe that you are this human who was given the opportunity to pop a sucker out. You are strong and you CAN do it. You won’t be able to do it all at once but be patient with yourself. Also seek out a group outside of work and/or talk to HR about what your rights at work are. If you can’t find anyone, I’m here to help! I can be your support!
  2. Plan! Not only plan for what changes will happen with baby coming into the world but plan for the things you can control such work events or responsibilities and be intentional. If it takes you longer to complete a task, start early and give yourself time to successfully complete it. I use to be able to do projects within hours of receiving marching orders but that’s not the case anymore. You are now responsible for yourself and another being. Time is no longer your own. You will have to adjust to the changes and pee a lot more or pump!

white paper with note
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All in all, as a person of color as my dad would say, “don’t give them a reason to fire you”. And although it would be illegal to not provide certain accommodations, don’t be surprised by anything or anyone that might try to undermine your ability to successfully complete your job. I have always been a firm believer of being ten steps ahead of anyone and ALWAYS have paper trail, be transparent and work with integrity.

On the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission you will find information about the type of rights you have as a pregnant person. Per law, while the PDA does not require employers to provide time off for pregnancy disability, it does require employers to treat pregnancy disability the same as other disabilities for purposes of sick leave or temporary disability benefits. Be your own hero and know your rights!

The information on this blog is for information purposes only and no guarantees are made concerning the accuracy, reliability, and completeness of that information. The blogger behind this website accepts no responsibilities for errors or omissions on the site.
Remember that any advice, tips, or recommendations you receive from this blog are not to be substituted for professional advice, please consult with a professional before taking any of the previously mentioned advice and/or plans. Visitors should take action based on the information provided at their own risk, as the blog owner is not responsible for any losses, damages, or injuries, that occur as a result.

#anxiety #depression #highereducation #latina #latinx #latinainhighered #lifestyle #mentalhealth #newmom #wokemom #woke

Looking for “Woke” Mom Group

One of the best and unfortunate things about being in an interracial relationship is preparing yourself for the talk with your new baby. Things that might come up are:

  • Why are we brown?
  • Why is there so much violence?
  • Why do people hate people?
  • Whats racism?

That’s right i’m not talking about the sex talk, that’s the least of our worries as people of color.

As I am counting down the days of when the baby comes into the world, I keep thinking of the anxiety inducing conversations that I will have with either my daughter or son. One of the most saddest things I can think of is having a conversation with my kid on topics about their rights. I don’t think a lot people know that it is also common in our brown communities. I grew up being told what to do in the case of”……(fill in with racist or discriminatory issue)” or “mija nunca platiques sobre nuestra situacion (dont talk about our situation). Fear was in-bedded in our community. Fear of being asked where we are from, or whether we are even allowed to exist or fear of deportation, was normalized. Knowing my rights at an early age was a rite of passage. Standing up for my family and translating was a skill I obtained at such an early age. Growing up, I made it my duty to always be there for my family in case anyone tried taking advantage. It is what I was meant to do. I was meant to be a person who constantly had eyes everywhere, due to never trusting anyone or any system. To always have back up plans in case the original plan didnt work out. I guess I have a complex that’s bleeding into all facets of my life.

The talk has become threaded into our being, whether you are from the black, native or brown community. As a result, I cannot shelter my kid, its not a choice. Helping someone develop into a respectable human being is scary, and to some extent, I am responsible on how they turn out later on. I know, I might be overthinking it but the biggest concern I have is not only how to be real with my kid about racism and sexism, and all the isms out there, but how not to be racist and how to be respectful of other human beings; how to honor your culture and live with integrity.

I wish I had support from my sisters. My sisters don’t get it. Despite one being in an interracial relationship with a black man, its hard to think that some of the conversations I’ve had with her could be as deep as my concerns. I don’t think she gets it. She was born and raised in Mexico, once was undocumented and now a citizen. The other sister married someone Mexican and is probably even worse. Both are light skinned and sometimes are mistaken for being white-Caucasian. I mean the privilege is there.

They are the epitome of what I fear of my community becoming. A community that forgets where they came from and turn out to be just like our past and current persecutors. So who can I turn to during this time?

How do you prepare for this? Are there such groups out there that talk about these issues?

#woke #newmom #latina #chicana #futureworkingmom #featured

Light of hope

Wow. I just finished reading over my blog and I was clearly in a dark place. I now think about those moments and they seem so distant. My husband was right, I had postpartum depression and after those entries, it got worse.

This year has been a year of growth and acceptance. After we bought the house, there were moments where I thought we were not going to make it. My husband took extra jobs with family and then finally started a more permanent second job. Fast forward to now and we both have moved up in our jobs, are more financially stable, have gotten raises and have a bit of money to the side.

Our lowest point was when we had .60 in our bank account and that was it. It was the worst feeling in the world. A feeling I never thought I would feel again. I grew up poor so all this brought back a lot of bittersweet memories. I honestly don’t even know how we made it work. All I remember is crying, having panic attacks and feeling like we were in a dark place. It must’ve been luck. It must’ve…

I’m not here to really share advice just to share that it will get better. If it hasn’t gotten better, keep going. You are a great parent, partner, human and you are doing your best!

Fitting Room

It just hit me like a ton of bricks.

As much as I can preach about being body positive, it still hurts how different my body is right now.

Yes, I carried a baby for 9 months but it still hurts to try on pants after pants and wondering whether I’ll be head strong to try on the next without feeling disappointed.

This is my third week back at work, 3 weeks early than anticipated, and im in that place where im not as big as when I was pregnant but I’m bigger than my old self; nothing fits.

So if you’ve comento this blog post to get uplifted, I’m sorry to disappoint but I just can’t today.

I’m literally standing in the fitting room holding back every tear I can and waiting to walk out without looking like I just balled my eyes out.

Yes, I can workout but it’s still not the same. I have a huge scar and sore from my c-section. I also work alot. By the time I come back home from work, I just want to cuddle with my baby before he goes to sleeps.

I only have 1 hour window time to spend time with him on the weekdays. So while I’m over here at the stores trying to find something, I’m yearning to be by his side and feeling guilty.

I just can today.

#beingbodypositiveishard #tragametierra #latina #firsttimemom #pocmom

Extra Milk Please

I never thought that I would fall more and more in love with my baby as days passed by.

My journey as a future mom to now, has been the easiest. I say that because after knowing so many with miscarriages, my cousin’s recent 8 month still born, and those that are trying to get pregnant, I’ve had it easy. Nonetheless, the birthing and nursing experience, and recovery time was difficult. And dont get me started on the breastfeeding and pumping.

To start, my baby was past due by a week and secondly, my vaginal birth became a cesarean, emergency cesarean at that. I don’t even know how to describe everything I went through because it’s something you want to quickly forget about and replace it by the birth of your beautiful baby. Now I know why people say, the pain is worth it: because it is and because it has to be.

Once induced, I was in labor for over 30 hours. I was induced by the use of prostaglandins, then using a Foley catheter or cervical ripening balloon, with pitocin and finally, rupturing my water. I mean they tried everything. All of it due to not dialating fast enough.

Let me tell you that in my experience that pain from the Foley was worse than my contractions. Once it was inserted, I started hyperventilating and all I could think was, “when is it going to end, make it fucking stop”, all while having contractions and dialating from 3cm to 8 cm in a matter of minutes.

I tried to embrace it but shit, it hurt like a mother. After going through so much pain and not getting close to full dialation, my doctors and nurses started to worry. Every single time I was injected with pitocin, my baby’s heart rate would go down, as a result we had to stop with the induction. It was then when they realized the baby was suffocating and breathing in his merconium, and an emergency C-section became the next move. Yes I know, dialated to 8cm and I still got a C-section, aint that some shit?

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Regardless of all of this, I didn’t feel like I failed myself or my baby. Things just happen and thats life. All I thought as I was taken over to the room while shaking uncontroally from the drugs(and fear),  was to let my baby  and I live to enjoy our lives with daddy. In the end that’s all that mattered.

I sought solace in just knowing that life never could go as planned. I had to be open to anything and the opposite of what I expected happened. As I exited surgery with my husband and a new scar, it was pain and love from then on.

Recuperation is all a blur. All I remember is being high drugs, scratching intensely from the drugs, being in and out of sleep while my husband held our baby. It was bittersweet bliss.

So here is my takeaway: be open to anything, to life changing and going in the opposite direction you expected. Laugh at the pain, talk about the pain and be open to the love that is about to takeover your life.

Momma, this is the best love you will ever find and I hope you get to experience it. There is nothing like it. I promise.

#newmom #madre #wokemom #chingona #mentalhealth

affection baby barefoot blur
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I’m officially overdue.

I couldn’t help but feel sad. Perhaps due to my body starting the process of labor or because I expected baby to be here, it just sucks.

I’ve tried:

– walking

– nipple stimulation and sex 😁


– squatting

The list goes on. As a result, I got scheduled for induction on the 20th. I’m mildly dissapointed but ill keep walking and sexing it up till then.

Contrary to belief, having sex while being nine months pregnant pushes you to do different things, in many ways. Great sex!

So for all the mujeres who have gone through this, how did you enjoy your last days before labor?

#labor #pregnant #firsttimemom #chingona

Navya Singh

Write like it matters and it will.

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