Its lunch time, well late lunch time. I’m sitting here in a lonely lobby. I always knew I was independent and loner but when did it become okay to default to being lonely all the time? I work for a small religious based university- in Illinois. We preach solidarity and community but as much as I try and become part of a community, I always end up sitting by myself somewhere and mentally preparing myself to be alone. Is that right?
And so I turn to what my parents and family taught me, “mejor sola que mal acompañada”. As I look around I am again the lonely Latina, who from the outside of a glass window is looking inside to a world I could never belong to. The white world.
The archetype of my fucking life. Everyone wants to not feel alone and I’m over here the 27 year old Latina who had to grow up being okay with being alone.
I did it in my childhood being one of the few to be studious, one of the few to go to college, one of the few to finish grad school and one of the few Latinas to work in this god forsaken place that is the farthest from what it teaches.
Chuy, visit this catholic school already. ..we need you