One blog that continues to reach my soul and articulate everything I have been going through is InsideHigherEd’s Conditionally Accepted. Its a blog I ritually open every day to be inspired and conscious of the ways our systems have in some form or way slated me or benefited from my brownness. I know loaded with buzzwords, right?
As I read all these blogs, I cannot imagine how it is for people who find the courage to divulge everything that they are either going through at their institution or their previous employer. What’s the limit on this? How much am I able to state regarding the inequities that exist in my institution?
Recently, I have been witness to so much professional bullying and, to some extent, the blatant disregard for someones qualifications to be a director of admissions at the undergraduate level. This male director has jumped so many hoops to prove himself and at one point I had to ask, “do you think you would need to go through all this proving if you were white?”. His response later on, “you know ever since you posed that question, I cannot stop thinking about and I believe I wouldnt need to prove myself as much”.
Since then I have seen this young man get treated as less than when, in fact, the entire undergraduate team is behind him 100% of the way. Its the other director who seems not to accept his position in the decision making process. And so since I cannot post this on facebook, nor do I have the guts, since I have so many higher education professionals on there, I have decided to blog about it here (after posting, and deleting it off of facebook once realizing it might not be a good idea).
Your employer does not deserve your tears or heartache. A place that you love should not cause so much distress, anxiety and/or depression. Dont lose sleep over the small shit. Working at any PWI is no joke and the longer you’re there, the more people think they can pin diversity shit on you because your brown and take all the credit for your leg work. Tokenism is real….before I started my career I was told, ” the higher you move up, the lonelier it gets”. I totally see that now. I never experienced tokenism, not until I was a professional did I see what people actually thought about people.
People get so involved in their own little worlds and forget why we work in higher ed institutions. Its for access and for the success of our students. I may always be asked well why do you work at a PWI?…well if not me, who? Where will students and their parents go when they need help? I would love to work in a place that has much more diversity and more support…but what happens to the ones out here that are struggling trying to make things happen? We have to spread the wealth. I may not be able to be in more than one place at a time but you sure as hell better know ill be fitting for students wherever I’m at.
*daily reminder of why I’m still here.. Momma didnt raise no fool and definitely didn’t bring me to this country for unnecessary crap.
#latinainhighereducation #daughterofanimmigrant #highereducation #tokenism