I’m Exhausted

Eight weeks pregnant.

I’m exhausted, I have nausea and had my first panic attack a week ago. Luckily im not vomiting but sure do feel like shit.

I’ve gone from not being able to sleep (not sure if it was from my anxiety) to sleeping 8-9 hours and taking naps. I told myself I would workout to be healthier but dammit, it’s so hard to not be in bed.

Recently I read that exercising eases your time in labor, which is the biggest fear I have. It’s so bizarre that something so big is coming out of something so small. SCARY AF!

I don’t even know if I could do this and im pretty sure this will be the only child I will have because I have to many dreams for myself.

To some extent, I also feel dissapointed in myself for giving into being pregnant. Latinas are known to be stereotyped at having a lot of kids, really early. For always putting everything before themselves. And I feel like I let myself down. I gave into what my husband wanted and forgot what I wanted….

Last night he asked, ” are you mad at me”

“No, im not mad at you. I’m dissapointed at myself”

This is something I have to learn how to come to terms with but its not a feeling I can get over, not from one day to another. I also dont want it to lead into other issues such as depression or anxiety or postpartum depression, which both my sisters had. I just feel stuck, at work and in my personal life, and one day im going to have to reconcile with this situation.

So the only thing we can do is educate ourselves. It is normal to feel this way because every path is different and not one person will have the same story.

Please read up on some resources! The National Insitute of Mental Health is a great resource.

 

ILLUSTRATION: ERIN MCPHEE

 

#fightingdepression #pregnant #anxiety #depression

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